Email #1
Dear Mr. Studlyhunk,
As a regular guy attempting to perfect my physique as well
as my mind, I would like to know HOW DO YOU DO IT??? I
mean, seriously, you have abs of steel, and yet you appear
to have a vocabulary superior to the British scholars of
the Rennaissance! Now, obviously, that is a combination
rarely, if ever, achieved. I've met many attractively
proportioned guys, and many extremely intellectual guys,
but I don't think I've ever come across one guy who is
both in one. Girls, yeah, that combo is a dime a
dozen, but for us guys, it's like we have to choose, and
yet you chose both! What gives? What's your
secret? You'll be helping a vast number of smart
men, like myself, as well as a large number of "hotties," as
I would like to look, and we can finally feel equal to
women!
Email #2
I'm sorry, I forgot to leave my name in that email. I
was simply so overwhelmed by the prospect of your response
that I sent the email (from my uncle's account - it is
thanksgiving, you know, and I'm stuck here in Iowa) without
signing my name, which is extremely rude, I understand,
so I apologize. My name is don. Don. So
that's how my last message SHOULD have been signed. I
suppose I've been drinking a few too many beers tonight. Hmm...
that's probably the first thing I should cut out, right? the
beer? to help my physique catch up to my mind? Help
me please, christmas is coming soon.
dOn
Dear Don,
It is no coincidence that you would associate my vocabulary
with the British scholars of the Rennaissance, for I
am a direct descendant of those brilliant men! However,
that doesn't mean that you have to have intelligent ancestors
in order to master the English language. All you have
to do is study some vocabulary, read your classic and
popular literature, and make sure to always enunciate!
As far as being both intelligent and handsome, I won't
lie to you. I do have to work for it. Now, I was lucky
because I was born good looking and smart, but if I didn't
work out regularly, I wouldn't be as amazing looking as
I am now. And if I didn't keep on top of my reading, I
probably wouldn't be as articulate either. So, you can't
just wish for good looks and intelligence, you have to
strive for excellence. If I didn't exercuse and lift weights,
I would probably pass as your regular, everyday good-looking
guy. However, since I do work out, I turn heads everywhere
I go!
To keep your physique under control, yes, you might want
to cut back on the beer a little. But never fear! You don't
have to stop drinking beer entirely! There is a great new
beer on the market, it is called Michelob Ultra. This beer
is not only a lite beer, but it is also the first ever
low carb beer!! So you can drink more of them, and they
will have less of an effect on your gut! The best part
about it is that the word "ULTRA" is in really
big letters, but the word "lite" is in small,
pale yellow letters. So all people can really read is the "ULTRA," and
it looks like you're drinking a very manly beer. "ULTRA!!!" Now
doesn't that sound manly?
Good luck, I have faith in you!
Mr. Studlyhunk
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