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Dear Mr. Studlyhunk,
Can you explain the continued success of any of the following
to me?
1. Adam Sandler
2. Keanu Reeves
3. Dan Rather
Perplexed in Baltimore
Dear Perplexed,
I think the general reason that these three personalities
continue to be successful is that I haven't decided to
enter the world of movies and television. I am more handsome,
much wittier, and generally more charming than any male
actor there is today. If I were to go ahead and star
in a movie or TV show, actors like these would out of
business in a second. However, since the American public
has not yet been exposed to looks and talent as refined
as my own, they unwittingly settle for whoever happens
to be out there.
Specifically, I believe that Adam Sandler satisfies the
nation's need for poop jokes, Keanu Reeves is undisputibly
the master of looking perpetually confused and speaking
in monosyllabic monotone, and Dan Rather boasts a head
of hair almost as stationary and unpenetrable as my own.
And this keeps America coming back for more.
Hope this helps!
Mr. Studlyhunk
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